Last week, my friend and co-worker, Dan Huber, and I were asked to co-teach a couple of hours in the “Gender and Sexuality” course on the topic of “the Essence of Masculinity.”  I initially thought it must be some sort of joke, but no, the invitation was legit.  

So, with only a week to prepare, we set out on the task of understanding and facilitating a conversation on this topic - a process which consumed 5 or 6 movies, gallons of coffee, and at least one all-nighter.  Two things were instantly evident: 1) There is a lot of content pertaining to men, male issues, and the roles men play in the family, church, workplace, and society, but not much on our specific topic. 2) This is a very personal issue.  When you start defining and identifying “masculinity” major defenses rise up inside a man.  Every definition I came across (and there are not many out there brave/stupid enough to try to define it) was, internally, a measurement of my own worth and competence.  So, I had to try to get over myself quite a bit, but in the end I had a ton of fun with the topic and really enjoyed teaching with someone as talented as Dan.

Basically we decided to lead the class in identifying positive characteristics they have observed in the men that have fathered them throughout life (dads, brothers, relatives, teachers, mentors) and then use that context to build a working definition of masculinity.  We then shared with the class our working definition:

One who takes responsibility for himself and others by engaging, cultivating, protecting and providing.

 As I mentioned above, this is not a term on which many are willing to pin a definition, but we’re new at this and don’t know any better.  We spent some time fleshing it out and answering questions about how well this captures the “essence of masculinity.”  Finally we identified four general ways in which men respond to their masculinity.  This gave us a way of categorizing common issues men deal with.  

Over compensation (The Man’s Man)  flimsy expressions of masculinity – safe places of comfort and competence where men retreat to appear masculine… 

Disconnection (The Mama’s Boy)  When the label of “masculine” doesn’t feel right, is rejected, or is simply met with passivity…  

Control (The Escape Artist)  the places men go to feel powerful and in control – over people or situations or themselves…

Embracing Masculinity – owning and accepting our masculinity as a central part of our identity and calling in life…

With each of these responses, we illustrated the response with a list of ways this response could demonstrate itself in behavior.  We also shared ways we’ve seen these played out (anonymously) on our college campus.  We also shared examples from the bible of men responding in these ways.

If anyone is reading this - I know I have only posted twice in 5 months - I’d LOVE to hear your thoughts on our (working) definition and these four responses.  Defining anything can be dangerous, but the process of defining is a great teaching mechanism.  Clearly, in this case, I am learning much more than I could have possibly taught.  

Metanoia,
Aaron

This entry was posted on Tuesday, May 19th, 2009 at 2:49 pm and is filed under Leadership, Musings. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. You can leave a response, or trackback from your own site.