So, in (let’s see…) 4 hours Sarah is scheduled to deliver child #3 via c-section.

I’m up early as #2 has a pesky cough that he can’t shake.  I offered him a cup of water which he seemed relieved to receive, but then sleepily poured down his neck.  We both laughed - an unexpected moment of joy at 4:40 in the middle of the night.  Now I can’t sleep.

This is literally a moment pregnant with anticipation… expectation… hope…

To be completely honest with myself - and I guess you the reader - the excitement is peppered with other moments, brief moments of uncertainty, anxiety, and fear.  I bounce between dreaming of wonderful future experiences with another daughter and rehearsals of “worst case scenarios.”  So, then I get all tied up in my thoughts - wanting to be positive yet realistic, wanting to cherish the moment but not ignore the risks.

So who can sleep?  Sarah’s not, I hear her tossing and turning, sniffing and sighing in the next room.  Do we even need to verbalize the confusion of these moments?

So, I pray.  I thank God for the opportunity to reflect on this moment.  Really, all of life should be viewed from this level.  I wish I were always aware of the imminent potential for joy or pain in a given moment.  To know that the stakes are high all the time. Life or death…  good or evil… success or failure… laughter or tears…

“Blessed be Your name when the sun’s shining down on me, when the world’s ‘all as it should be’ blessed be Your name. And blessed be Your name on the road marked with suffering, though there’s pain in the offering, blessed be Your name.  Every blessing You pour out I’ll turn back to praise.  When the darkness closes in, Lord, still I will say, “Blessed be the name of the Lord!”

Metanoia,
Aaron

This entry was posted on Friday, September 26th, 2008 at 5:29 am and is filed under Family, God, Musings. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. You can leave a response, or trackback from your own site.