By my count, this is Day 26 of Lent.  As you may already know, I have made the seemingly safe commitment to “think about rest” during these days.  Specifically, I determined that this process of thinking would look like this (with some progress updates):

• I’d use this blog to share some thoughts about topics like work, rest, sabbath, and pace (So far, I’m averaging a post every 5 days or so, approximately 30,000 times more frequently than I usually do).
• read Mark Buchanan’s “The Rest of God” (I’m trying to read this devotionally, only about a third of the way through, but finding it RICH and RELEVANT to my questions.  I’ll share a few new reflections below).
• review 3 or 4 other books and articles I’ve collected on this topic in the last couple of years. (Reread a chapter from Dallas Willard’s “The Great Ommission” that has haunted me for the past three years, I’m working on a post with some of Willard’s thoughts to post later this week.)
• be intentional to get enough sleep each night (goal: in bed by 11, at least 6.5 hours a night). (This has not been consistent - sleep is turning out to be a major symptom of my distress. Often my worry keeps me up at night or my apathy keeps me in bed in the morning.  I’m regularly getting less than 5 hours a night… this goal needs greater attention in the next two weeks.)
• take a “tithe” of these 40 days off - 4 days may not seem like a lot, but this is spring at Grace College. (I’ve taken one actual day off, I’m scheduled to take one full and two half days off this week… need to carve out at least one more.)
• I’m not sure how this fits, but traditionally Lent has included abstaining from something for this brief time.  I’ve decided to cut out all food after supper and all coffee after lunch. (This has been great.  I have identified food and caffeine my favorite vices.  Cutting these out has made me feel healthier, sleep better, and - beyond all of that - has served as a reminder of my commitment.)

In the fourth chapter of Buchanan’s book, he continues to refine our thinking about Sabbath by contrasting sleep and rest.  Sleep is essential, he acknowledges; in fact, when you try to deny yourself sleep, it will eventually catch up with you until you succumb to it.  Not so with Sabbath.  Sabbath is much more obliging when rebuffed - in the author’s words, “Resisted, it backs off. Spurned, it flees.  It’s easy to skirt or defy Sabbath.” (Rest of God, p 61)  When we neglect Sabbath it doesn’t come chasing us like sleep.  Sabbath steps aside like a gentleman and waits for us.

Thus we can live for years at a breakneck pace that appears productive but is deeply exhausting.  We feel unfulfilled and we attempt to fill the void with more recreation, longer hours, a new strategy, or self-justifying complaints.  What we need is to stop.  We need stillness.

Perhaps worse than the exhaustion, restlessness, and aggravation… worse than the lack of rest, is the untruth busyness allows us to believe.

“The worst hallucination busyness conjures is the conviction that I am God.  All depends on me. How will the right things hapen at the right time if I’m not pushing and pulling and watching and worrying?” (p. 61)

After some gut-level introspection I realized how true that is.  Way too often I overestimate my importance way too much.  I forget who is in control, I put unnecessary pressure on my efforts.  I get a type of “high” from believing everyone is depending on me for everything.  And, to be honest, I believe this because I lack confidence and trust in God.

And this is where I need some serious change in my thinking.

Essentially he presents the idea that if God isn’t big enough to handle everything, then we all need to work a whole lot harder.  ”Either God is good and in control, or it all depends on you.” (p. 63).  Surprise surprise, my busyness is a theological problem.  I am living in a way that is inconsistent with my beliefs about God.  I’m a hypocrite.

Now for some thoughts to begin to correct this thinking:

• The Jewish Sabbath begins in the evening - essentially, it begins with going to bed, with sleep.  Buchanan presents sleep as an act of faith, a sign of vulnerability, a statement of resignation.  Merely going to bed with work undone, with problems unsolved, with concerns unanswered is a spiritual discipline - trust that God is in control.
• David, the psalmist, gives a lot of lyrics to the idea of trusting God - Psalm 62 is a great example.  ”My soul finds rest in God alone… he alone is my rock and salvation (v. 1).  David’s life wasn’t easy or restful, his words were likely reminders to keep trust in perspective.
• Paul, the apostle and frequent prisoner, gives a practical example of keeping sabbath in the midst of crisis in Acts 16.  This is where Paul and Silas are imprisoned - and miraculously freed - while spending the night worshiping and preaching (practicing Sabbath) when they could have been complaining or worrying.  The interesting thing here is how God uses this experience to work things out in ways they never could have dreamed had they taken matters into their own hands.
• The key for putting God in his rightful place - as God - is having a spirit and posture of thankfulness.  “You cannot practice thankfulness on a biblical scale without its altering the way you see… Inherent in a life of thanksgiving is an ongoing discovery of God’s sufficiency, his generosity, his fatherly affection and warrior protection.” (p. 67-68)

Lord, bring my beliefs and action into alignment… gift me with a thankful heart and trust-filled sleep…

Metanoia,
Aaron

This entry was posted on Tuesday, March 16th, 2010 at 12:07 am and is filed under God, Leadership, Uncategorized. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. You can leave a response, or trackback from your own site.