Out of Control Freak
Friday, March 5th, 2010I can be quite the whiner.
You know it’s true… looking back through my recent posts - read them doing your best impression of a three year old and you’ll hear it - Aaron’s pity party. Sadly, it’s a party I’ve been throwing for most of the last 3 years… see?
I’m a blamer… discontent in my life pace, circumstances, workload, and spiritual zeal - I boldly… complain on my blog and try to think my way through it. And it doesn’t work.
So, in my thinking I’ve came to a minor epiphany… life is out of control.
Obvious, I know… but, I tend to miss the obvious when I’m this busy and this self absorbed.
I have a love/hate relationship with control. I have always prided myself in my patience and flexibility - living life in a “holding my plans with an open hand” manner. I see unmanipulated life circumstances as a sign of God’s will. I appreciate meekness over passion. And I generally take a “wait and see” approach to decisions. I’ve judged others as “control freaks” for being conscientious, deliberate, or aggressive. I desire to lead and “challenge the process” but in a kinder, gentler way. I acquiesce… a lot.
I’m not supposed to be in control of my life -God is, right? My “ah ha” lately is that neither God nor I is currently in control of this life. I’ve delegated control to every single person in my life: students I serve at Grace, my co-workers, supervisors, family members… pretty much anyone who asks (’cause I can’t say “no” to anyone except Lowe’s employees).
My new goal is to be more proactive, less whiney - to take back some of the control. Then, I can actually give control over to God as a direct act of worship. Free will restored and applied.
Yup. That’s my goal. Now to figure out HOW to do this, because it’s going to take some courage that I’ve seldom demonstrated in the past.
Lord, help me put faith and action to these learnings…
Metanoia,
Aaron
