CLICK photo for more pictures from the day and Josephine Grace Crabtree!

Earlier this month, the national weather service dubbed a tropical depression with a ton of potential “Josephine” - fortunately for many in the Caribbean and Southern US, Tropical Storm Josephine puttered out right before she made it to the Bahamas.

Earlier today, my wife exhibited incredible courage by walking into the operating room and undergoing a Cesarean Section delivery of our third child.  We immediately dubbed this blessing Josephine Grace.  Unlike the storm mentioned above, this Josephine started slow (some minor breathing problems and excessive fluid in her lungs) but picked up steam (and volume) after a short time and seems in every way to be a healthy little baby girl.

Okay, so that was a pretty wordy way of announcing our daughter’s birth and name.  Here are some random thoughts about the day…

• I am in awe of my wife - actually all women - every time I witness such selflessness and love.  I’m not sure anything in my life will ever compare to the tangible way a mother loves a child. (Drop whatever you are doing right now and call your mom.)
• The emails and facebook messages and phone calls and visits from friends and families nearly overwhelms me.  With such supportive people in my life, why do I too often drift into feeling lonely?
• This might seem random (”um, this whole post seems random, Aaron.”)  But I was reminded today that time is a very limited resource.  I can’t believe Wrigley is going on 5 years old - she’ll be moving out and getting married before I know it. Love, on the other hand, is seemingly available in unlimited quantities.  How is it that with each additional child to love we don’t sacrifice the amount of love we have for the other children?
• Here’s the stats..  Born on September 26, 2008 at precisely 9:07am.  Weighing in at 6 lbs 15 oz.  18.75 inches from bald head to wrinkled toes.
• We choose her name for a variety of reasons… Both Josephine and Grace are names that appear in our family trees… We originally were thinking of Joseph as a boy’s name during our first child, so the feminine version just made sense when we were considering names this time around.  We really admire the 4 Josephs that are depicted in the Bible (specifically: Jacob’s son, Jesus’ earthly daddy, the man who donated Jesus’ tomb, and the “son of Encouragement”).  Grace is significant for many reasons… unmerited favor, Alma mater, current ministry, all that stuff…

Alright I’m exhausted - mentally, emotionally, you name it… off to (a very uncomfortable but appreciated none the less) bed!

Metanoia,
Aaron

So, in (let’s see…) 4 hours Sarah is scheduled to deliver child #3 via c-section.

I’m up early as #2 has a pesky cough that he can’t shake.  I offered him a cup of water which he seemed relieved to receive, but then sleepily poured down his neck.  We both laughed - an unexpected moment of joy at 4:40 in the middle of the night.  Now I can’t sleep.

This is literally a moment pregnant with anticipation… expectation… hope…

To be completely honest with myself - and I guess you the reader - the excitement is peppered with other moments, brief moments of uncertainty, anxiety, and fear.  I bounce between dreaming of wonderful future experiences with another daughter and rehearsals of “worst case scenarios.”  So, then I get all tied up in my thoughts - wanting to be positive yet realistic, wanting to cherish the moment but not ignore the risks.

So who can sleep?  Sarah’s not, I hear her tossing and turning, sniffing and sighing in the next room.  Do we even need to verbalize the confusion of these moments?

So, I pray.  I thank God for the opportunity to reflect on this moment.  Really, all of life should be viewed from this level.  I wish I were always aware of the imminent potential for joy or pain in a given moment.  To know that the stakes are high all the time. Life or death…  good or evil… success or failure… laughter or tears…

“Blessed be Your name when the sun’s shining down on me, when the world’s ‘all as it should be’ blessed be Your name. And blessed be Your name on the road marked with suffering, though there’s pain in the offering, blessed be Your name.  Every blessing You pour out I’ll turn back to praise.  When the darkness closes in, Lord, still I will say, “Blessed be the name of the Lord!”

Metanoia,
Aaron

CLICK for photos of our Donut Date!

So today I was the guest of my firstborn daughter at her preschool’s “Dads and Doughnuts Day.”  As you might have guessed they are learning the letter D.  It was fun to spend time with her 1 on 1 - meeting her friends whom she would tell me she “loves” but then walk up to them and ask them their name.  It would make for an interesting study of men.  The 7 or 8 of us who accompanied our children mostly sat as far away as possible from each other sinking into our chairs with our attention fully on the one person we knew in the room.  We weren’t completely rude to each other, there were plenty of customary head nods and half smiles.  No eye contact, are you kidding?

In short, it is probably the exact opposite of what you’d have seen if it was a group of mothers with children in the same stage of life sharing a few plates of delicious doughnuts.  They’d have left the room 90 minutes later with everyone’s name memorized and a weeks worth of play dates and “coffees” planned.

Why are guys (and especially me) so hesitant to initiate new connections and introduce ourselves?  What makes me too proud or passive to stick my hand out, introduce myself, and ask questions to get to know someone?  When I look back on experiences like this today I feel like a coward.  Why does my fear show up in situations like this?  Why don’t I initiate relationship that doesn’t somehow benefit me?

In the beginning “God created man and women” - sometimes the distinction between those two is very clear - like at preschool open houses.

Okay, I’m not sure where all that introspection came from -  the time with my daughter was priceless and the doughnuts were Dang Delicious.

Metanoia,
Aaron

So, some of you have noticed that I haven’t posted since June 12.  Your thoughts have ranged from “what a lazy…” to “poor Aaron, must be working too hard to update…”  Truth is, the blog was dead.  Yeah, to the outside observer it looked like I was just slow to update, but it was worse than that below the surface.  When I’d look to update or write a new post, I’d get warnings about a broken database and they’d throw half a dozen acronyms at me telling me to fix my NDPB, TQVs, and my PCBF or something.

All that to say, these troubles should soon be in my rear view mirror as Andy Clark is once again being my hero and setting the world right.  I’m back up and should have everything restored in short order.

Then you can razz me about how infrequently I post.

Aaron