I can sometimes forget how arrogant I am…

That is, until someone tries to do something for me. I just feel guilty in those situations, and I can’t think of a good reason why, except that I’m too proud to ask for or accept help. Three things recently prompted this pondering.

1) For the past year, my wife and I have been receiving annonymous cash gifts from someone (presumably) at Grace. Each one comes in a plain white envelope with$100, and a simple typed message saying something like “we know that a growing family results in extra expenses, please know you are loved and use the enclosed money to help with diapers.” This past week, the letter was different, included twice as much money, and the note explained this was the last gift and they were thankful for the opportunity to help.

2) Last week was a rough one at work… Everything that could be going on was going on, and I found myself beyond overwhelmed. By the end of the week I reached that point of total defeat (worstened by lack of sleep) in which I realized I couldn’t get everything done that needed to be and I was going to have to disappoint someone. So, I had to [gulp] ask for help.

3) For Wrigley’s birthday (last friday - the end of the hellish week mentioned above), we decided to go out for supper. Since Wrigley loves pancakes, we decided to go to Maria’s House of Pancakes. (Wrigley had a Mickey Mouse pancake, which is basically just a bunch of whipped cream and powdered sugar.) Anyways, as we were finishing up, the waitress came and told us that our bill was taken care of. Then she pointed to a guy at the counter who was paying for our food. I barely recognized the guy as someone who attends our church.

In each of those scenarios, I felt bad. I felt like I should have been able to afford diapers for my kid, that I should be able to get everything done, and that I should pay for my family’s dinner. Right? Yet, at the same time I know I need help in all those areas… AND that it can be a blessing to others to give.

I need to be better at getting.

I’ve come to the conclusion (as I’ve overanalyzed this) that giving is a sign of generosity but getting is a sign of humility. I think I’m generally a pretty good “giver”- but I’m coming up short in the catagory of getting. WHY does it make me feel bad? I get frustrated when others won’t accept my help… do I really believe I’m better than them? Sadly, that’s a possibilty.

I’m not sure what to do about this - it’s not like I’m going to invite people to give to me so I can practice getting. (This is starting to sound like a good message for a television ministry). Maybe I just need to stay aware of these tendancies - to be on the lookout for my pride and arrogance. Then, when they start making me feel bad for getting, I might see that pride and arrogance have me looking at the wrong thing… me.

As you have probably already identified, my problem lies not in getting or in asking for help… The problem is, I’m walking through these situations focused on me and not on God. Why don’t I naturally see that God is providing unexpected money for diapers, that God is taking on my burden during busy weeks, and that God is providing my daily bread (even when it is loaded with calories)? It makes me wonder how much else God is giving that I’m not getting? How much more is there to Christianity than I am accepting? Maybe in the times when I’m dissatisfied with my life and particularly my faith, it’s because I’m not receiving all that God wants me to receive. Maybe. Probably.

Metanoia,

Aaron

I know, two posts in one day… maybe I should check my temperature.

It’s been a real scaled-back Easter celebration at the Crabtree home. Partially, this is by design - it’s been a busy spring and this is a chance for us to catch our breath as a family. Rhythm of life, eh?

For a complete breakdown of our Easter “break” see our family blog here.

Anyway, I just wanted to wish all the readers of tenbandits.com and aaroncrabtree.com (all 7 of you) a Happy Easter!

“Although he was crucified in weakness, he now lives by the power of God. We, too, are weak, just as Christ was, but when we deal with you we will be alive with him and will have God’s power.” 2 Corinthians 13:4

So my good buddy and fellow bandit, E.Scott, has me thinking about strengths after he posted this a few days ago.

According to Strengthsfinder, I have talent in these areas…

Connectedness
Futuristic
Belief
Strategic
Maximizer

Impressive, eh? Actually, I’m still learning what in the world those words mean and how they exhibit themselves in my life and work. Marcus Buckingham, one of the pioneers in the “strengths-based” movement says that strengths aren’t necessarily the things you are strong or good at, rather they are the things that strengthen you.

Buckingham states that a strength is merely something that strengthens you. When you are doing it you feel strong. Good performance is a part of it…but you love doing it, you strive to get better at it. Your mind can “hum” about it forever. (from Scott’s post)

In the midst of a busy season of life, it is much easier for me to list the things that drain me than it is to list the things that energize me. But, in the same spirit as Scott’s post, I thought I’d give it a stab…

Here’s what I love - those things that strengthen me (my fluid list):

Again, that is a list in progress, and to my knowledge that is the first time I have ever created such a list. Knowing that a career change is forthcoming, I think it is a good time to consider how to fill my days doing those types of things more and more. I can only assume this will make me more productive (of course) but also more personally fulfilled - knowing I am doing those things God has created me to do.

Feedback?

Metanoia,

Aaron

DSC_0658

Originally uploaded by crabtrat.

So, today is our good friend Emerson Elledge’s first birthday.   So, my wife was going to post a picture from our flickr account to our family blog… however, she accidently posted it to my blog… no worries, Happy Birthday Em!

This is a picture of Emerson and my long-haired, scabby-nosed son, Theo.  It was taken on New Year’s Eve.

This weekend was the Spring RA retreat for the 07-08 Grace College Resident Assistants. It was a great time spent getting to know the new RAs and (more importantly) facilitating opportunities for them to get to know each other. Overall, I learned that we hired some great student leaders AND that I’m not as young or in-shape as I used to be. Today, I hurt all over… shampooing my hair was a challenging task.

Jim Swanson, VP of Student Affairs at Grace, reminded the RA recruits of the fact that God doesn’t need us to accomplish what he wants. He is fully capable of getting anything he wants done, and done perfectly. He can do it (whatever “it” is) and he will do it perfectly. Yet, he’s invited us, summoned us, called us to assist him. And it’s not because he’s an extrovert and doesn’t want to do the work alone - he’s God so he always exists in a community of three and as an individual - at the same time. And he’s got sweet angels.

As I’ve pondered this, I’ve wondered if serving in God’s kingdom might be one of the greatest gifts he’s given us… We are utterly unnecessary to God completing his work, yet he’s given us the opportunity to share in the satisfaction, creativity, and challenges of ministry. He’s given us purpose and meaning for our efforts in life.

Maybe this is hitting me like it is because of recent experiences with my nearly-three-year-old daughter, Wrigley. It seems she has discovered the American dream - doing things “my way.” Lately, she wants to help her mother and I when we are working around the house - cooking, cleaning, typing on the laptop - whatever. But she doesn’t necessarily want to help us do it the way we think it should be done, she wants to do it her way. More often than not, I try to distract her from helping me by finding something else to occupy her mind. It’s easier to do myself. I don’t need her help.

I say all of this to wonder how good I am at remembering that ministry is God’s work. Graciously, he lets me lend a hand and has even equipped me with the skills and strenths to do so, but am I insistant on doing it my way? I wonder if I am more concerned with people seeing me doing important work than I am with the importance of acknowledging whose work I’m doing. I wonder how many times God has had to do the work himself because I wasn’t listening to his invitation to join him in doing the work his way. I wonder how many times God has sacrificed excellence for the greater good of letting unnessessary me have a part in the effort.

Metanoia,

Aaron

PS - many of you who read this have been waiting for an update on what the Crabtrees are doing next year… Well, I don’t have an update - yet. There are some things brewing and there is some hope for a position that I would really love, but for now we’re still waiting… and listening. Thanks for your prayers!