I hate being busy.

I love being busy.

I’m tired.

I’m tired of being busy.

Seems like there is too much to do these days - mostly good things like leadership retreats, books to read, and small group meetings. It’s hard to know what to do at any given time and what - if anything - can be cut out or put off. Problem is, I get a bit of a rush from these times. I think I need to have days where I get up early to get a head start and end the day completely exhausted sixteen hours later. I get a small thrill out of seeing my calendar packed with something different every hour of the day.

But enough is enough.

As my wife pointed out to me yesterday (I’m sometimes surprised by my lack of awareness) this is the third week in a row that has been “full speed ahead.” Momentum cannot sustain this pace. The tank is running low of fuel. There must be a change in velocity, and there are only two options - start slowing down… or crash. Realistically, the only way to slow this machine is to do it gradually. The calendar is full, the pile of work is tall, and people think they “need” me. A crash would be disasterous, and to slow down quickly would cause a crash, so slowing down gradually is the only option.

I came to that (not so profound) thought this morning as I was speeding through the streets of Winona Lake on my way to chapel. My car was at that moment a metaphor of my life. So I decided to start my gradual slowing process.

I walked into chapel, asked someone to cover my responsibility, and walked out the backdoor. I walked to the drive up ATM, took out some cash (paid the stupid “shared” ATM fee) and went to get a haircut.

Halfway through the haircut, as I listened to the soothing hum of the clippers, I began to hope and literally felt my life slowing down …just a little bit.

Metanoia,

Aaron

I’m doing a lot of reading as of late and that has lead to a lot of thinking (which I’m not always good at). This thinking has led to this post, which, I warn you, may not make a nanogram of sense. This is definately a different type of entry than what I’ve been doing- but it’s my blog so I guess I can do whatever I want.

Cultural transitions… reassessing presumptions… discontinuous change… fluid times… perspectivalism… It seems everything I encounter about “our times” centers around a somewhat ambiguous, but still distinguishable theme that something has shifted in culture and human thought to a place where things are no longer predictable, static, and routine. Change is the new norm. We transition from one transition to another transition. The world has become more mysterious and more complex. It’s chaotic.

Basically, I’m doing a real messy job of describing this idea of “postmodern.” Life has overflowed from all the modernist boxes that were built to contain it and we don’t have energy to build more boxes so we’ve changed the rules and tactics for approaching life.

My point (it’s not a very sharp point) in writing those rambling paragraphs is that I think one of the most crucial shifts that needs to be made in response to the philosophical and cultural realities of “our times” is our understanding of leadership.

I’m probably overgeneralizing a bit here, but a “good leader” (I know, insert your own definition here) can no longer be identified simply by their level of education or expertise of a particular subject, or even experience. The explosive information age has taught us how much we don’t know - and we’ll never catch up. Rather than identifying good leadership by looking at one’s knowledge, beliefs, or skill, I’m thinking we should turn our attention instead to their attitudes, values, and character. In an unpredictable environment with a new challenge waiting around every turn, how are we able to anticipate which skills and competencies are going to be needed?

This is not to say that skills are no longer needed for leadership. Certain capacities are more essential now than ever… reading, creative/critical thinking, discernment, communication, and mentoring come to mind as important skills in this “new reality.” But when it comes to specific skills - such as public speaking or technical know-how, it might be more important what a leader could do than what they can do.

Okay, help me out… Does this make sense? Am I thinking too grey or being to ambiguous about leadership?

One of the influences on my thinking has come from some excerps I’ve read from an old guy (also a political scientist and scholar) named Harlan Cleveland who has written a series of essays on leadership entitled “Nobody in Charge” He suggests characteristics and attitudes for leading in the midst of complexity. I’ll post his “8 Attitudes” sometime in the near future, but I’ll wait for some feedback first.

What would you say are the characteristics or essential qualities of “good leaders” in light of our complex times? (Intentionally vague - don’t worry I’m just looking for your thoughts, not an exhaustive disertation on the subject).

Metanoia,

Aaron

So, this morning my NyQuil induced sleep was interrupted by my cell phone alarm clock at 4:00 in the AM. I carefully wandered from my bed (I have a history of passing out the morning after taking any medication) and took a shower before hitting the road for Chicago’s O’hare Airport. Sounds horrible, but it wasn’t too bad. In fact, I rather enjoyed being alone, driving in the darkness. It reminded me of the years Sarah and I lived in Michigan and 30 minute commutes. This morning, I saw a bunch of deer hanging outside McClain Hall, listened to several sermons on CD, sang a little bit, and enjoyed the sunrise. I was reminded of that nagging “rhythm of life” and how badly I need space - like this drive - to think, pray, and reflect. My friend (and fellow bandit) Scott calls this “incubation time” - we learn so much and take in lots of information each day, yet we never take time to reflect and let the learning sink in.

About the time I was getting tired of being alone, I had a worshipful view of the Chicago skyline extending above the fog. Then I arrived at the airport, promptly picked up Peter (I kind of like the alliteration of Ps), and enjoyed good conversation with a good friend for the next couple of hours. While I am tired and still trying to overcome this cold, it was a good morning.

Got to go, my little girl is a flower girl in our friend Kirsten’s wedding and I got to dress me and the boy and go…
Metanoia,
Aaron

So, after Sarah and I’s two wonderful days of relaxation and rest, I come home and promptly become sick for the first time in like seven years… to be completely honest, I’m more than a bit frustrated about it. This used to happen to me in college all the time. I’d be super busy with papers, classes, check-outs, and tests, so I’d go days without sleep and feel tired - but healthy. Then, I’d go home for break, enjoy being back with my friends and family, get some good rest and BAM - sickness. God has some s

ense of humor. I guess I should be thankful that my cold isn’t keeping me from work - though sometimes it would be nice to be forced to take a day off. Unfortunately, Sarah and I discovered in the middle of the night that I’ve passed my cold on to both our children. Joy.

On the plus side, it’s given me much time to reflect and pray - while I lay in bed caughing and unable to sleep.

So tomorrow I am picking up my good friend Peter Wolff from the airport… in Chicago… at 7am… He really is a good friend.

Stay healthy!

Aaron

It’s been a few days since I’ve posted - bet you all missed me like crazy.

It’s spring break at Grace College - we had a beautiful snowstorm to launch the break - it was very snowy and downright cold - but that didn’t slow the mass exodus from campus. When the Crabtree’s 170K-miles-strong-mazda pulled out of the Kent Parking lot, Grace College was nearly desserted.

We drove to my hometown, Kewanee, Illinois where we stayed Friday night before leaving our two children to stay with their grandparents for two nights. It was Sarah and I’s first night away from our kids since Theo was born - our first night completely alone since Sarah visited me in California in July 2005.

On Saturday afternoon, we drove to the Quad Cities - along the Illinois/Iowa Mississippi River border. We stayed in a sweet hotel, the Stoney Creek Inn. We had a King size whirlpool suite. It was amazing. We could have just stayed there the whole weekend, it was nice enough.

For supper, we went to a sweet little German restaurant called Bier Stube. It was fun and different. I ordered something I couldn’t pronounce and Sarah got a Reuben sandwich. (I tend to be the more adventurous of the two of us).

That night we went to a Goo Goo Dolls concert at the Mark. While we both love music, we’re not exactly the going-to-concerts type, so we were a little leary, not knowing exactly what to expect. It turned out to be a great concert - loud, fast moving, with great music.

On Sunday, we slept in (no, I didn’t feel “bad” for not going to church) and watched a movie in bed. That afternoon we went to Circa 21, a dinner theater to see West Side Story. It was fairly well done and the atmosphere was great. That night we watched “The Prestige.” Good flick.

Monday morning we were awoken by a phone call from my mother telling us to hurry home so she could take my brother on a college visit day at Illiniois State University. We jumped out of bed, showered, packed, and sped back to my hometown. That began a hectic two days of visiting my brother at ISU, visiting the Manahan’s in Indianapolis, catching up with a friend from my MAGL cohort, realizing I’m getting sick, and driving home (last night).

The rest of spring break will be spent recupirating, job hunting, preparing for the second half of the semester, reading for class, and spending more time with the kids.

On a reflective note, I thought a lot while I was in California last month about the “rhythm” of my life. This getaway was a direct result of that thinking… if I desire to be a great leader, it must begin with the way I lead my family - first my wife, then my children - and THEN the other areas God has called me to lead. My life’s rhythm must include romantic getaways and family vacations - lest I be disqualified from leading elsewhere.

Metanoia,
Aaron