Warning - reading this post could be a waste of your life… it might be real boring, because I have no plan about what I’m going to write. Sorry in advance.

So, it’s the weekend that I worked so hard this week to get to. Here’s a summary of it thus far…

Friday - Sarah and I get into a nice argument. We decide to take advantage of the free babysitting at church for Wrigley, but Theo (who was running a fever) stays with us and goes to bed early. We eat some delicious sandwiches for dinner - in candlelight. This reminds us of life before kids and that helps us work through our conflict. The rest of the evening is spent working on a paper before going to bed before midnight. Wild Friday nights at the Crabtrees!

Today - I get up early as I am helping to interview potential Grace students for the Presidents Scholarship competition. I look real good in my black pants, shoes, and tie with a grey shirt and my wool trench coat. It is freezing out. I get paired with Frank Benyousky - who was one of my advisors during college. I really enjoyed catching up with Frank and the interviews went okay as well. After a really long, cold walk back across campus, I had lunch with my wife, kids, and mother-in-law (who dropped in unexpectedly) and relaxed most of the afternoon watching the weather channel and finishing up a short paper. Now I’m preparing for the ice storm and listening in on my wife putting our kids to bed.

Some random thoughts:
- It’s Lent season - this year I’m “practicing Lent” though I’m not catholic and not entirely sure how to… I’ve given up pop and am fasting once a week.
- Maybe it’s the Lent thing or maybe it’s just the ebb and flow of my walk with God, but I’ve been praying a lot more lately. The CS Lewis character in “Shadowlands” says “I pray because I can’t help myself…” I feel that a lot these days - lots of uncertainty, lots of people in pain, very few solutions.
- I’ve been getting at least 7 hours of sleep a night all but twice the past three weeks, but I don’t feel any less tired in the mornings. AND, I still have trouble staying awake while I read. What gives?
- I’m looking to do something special with Sarah next weekend. We’re going to drive to Illinois and my parents are going to watch the kids. Now I just need to plan something. I’m really looking forward to the time, but am also feeling pressure (from myself, mostly) to do something real cool and creative.

Okay, as predicted, pretty boring post. Thanks for sticking with me.

Metanoia,

Aaron

So, my parents discovered my wife and I’s blogs last night. (Okay, they didn’t actually “discover” them, more like they were given detailed instructions on how to get there and we waited on the phone while they tried to spell “xanga.”) We sent them there to see the pictures of Theo’s haircut - good times.

Well, in response to my post “Resignation,” I received the following email today from my dad - typos and all. The subject read “good for you!!!!”

Hi Aaron, The good Lord will will put you in a place that will be good for you and your family, that is a great step of faith, he will not let you down .I’am praying for you.Love you DAD

Simple encouragement. That’s what I love about my dad. He has a real sense of confidence in God’s ability to come through no matter how bad things can seem. The road has not been easy or straight for my dad - he was unemployed and working various odd jobs during many of my most formative years. But we never went without the basics. We learned to be grateful for everything we had. In recent years I’ve realized that I look up to my dad a lot more now than I did when I was younger - especially my teen years. I was a pretty judgemental punk - I hope I’ve matured a bunch since then. I see his faith and love for his family a lot clearer now. And I respect him so much.

For some reason, I haven’t thought of the decision to not return as a RD next year as a “step of faith,” it is more like a “what else can I do?” But maybe that’s just because I don’t want to let the reality of my situation sink in. I don’t know. Probably something I need to reflect on more. It’s just good to know that friends and family are supporting us and praying.

Thanks dad.

Aaron

Last night, both of my children experienced their first haircut. Now, personally I LOVE getting my hair cut - the experience of sitting in the big comfortable chair while someone combs and plays with your hair is better than…. well, it’s really good. Thinking back, I also used to love it when the school nurse would come in and check us for lice.

Anyways, back to the haircuts…

Wrigley did great - but we only cut about three fourths of an inch off her long hair and today she looks no different. Theo - didn’t like it so much. In fact, he kinda lost it - screaming, eating hair, digging at his face - he nearly got his fingers cut off several times. So I decided to cut it real short so he wouldn’t need another one for a long time.

Crazy, with just a single haircut he went from looking like a little baby to looking like a little boy. If only the transformation from boy to man could be that painless….

Metanoia,

Aaron

So, on Friday morning I made a life altering committment… unemployment.

Hopefully, it’s not as horrible as it sounds, but it could be. I was offered a contract to return to Grace College as a resident director for a 5th year, and I turned it down. The search for my replacement will begin in a few days. It was the right thing to do - with our family now four strong and the toil of living in dorm finally starting to wear us down - we need to move out while we are still happy and effective. But the growing family that causes me to make this decision is the very thing that makes this a difficult decision. It’s one thing to be homeless and jobless and single or even married, but kids up the ante. I feel pressure to “be a man” and provide for my family more than ever.

So, “What’s the plan?” Good question. This weekend I dusted off the resume and started hitting the job postings. I’m praying and dreaming at breakneck pace. I don’t mind making my desires public - I’d love to stay at Grace. I love this place. I fit here. I don’t feel “released” like I did when I resigned from Covenant Baptist Church four years ago. I believe God can still use me here, and I hope he will. However, I do feel it is wise to explore other options. I realize I am limited in my perspective on the situation. We came back to Grace because we were wounded after four years of difficult ministry in Michigan. Perhaps our healing is complete and God is sending us from Grace College for a second time. “Who has understood the mind of the LORD, or instructed him as his counselor?”

If you would, please join us in praying - I strongly desire to find my fit within a team, using my gifts, strengths, experiences, and abilities to make a difference in the world. At the same time, I want to be free to use my gifts, strengths, experiences, and abilities to make a difference in my family. Ultimately, that’s why we are resigning from the Resident Director gig. I love it, but I love my family more.

Metanoia,

Aaron

So, I’m not sure I’ve warmed up yet since coming back to the frozen tundra that people commonly refer to as “the midwest.” Even a world championship by the Indianapolis Colts hasn’t brought much warmth to the place. Ahhh, home sweet home!

Seriously, it’s good to be back - I really missed my wife and children, and “campus life.” However, it has not been an easy transition. I haven’t yet got my mind back “in the game” (I realize I’m using a lot of quotation marks in this post - not sure why.) I feel overwhelmed by all that I learned and began to process while at Fuller. On top of that I have much to catch up from being gone - especially relationships. AND I have a few papers to write…

I have been thinking a lot about the things I feel God taught me during my time away. Trying to be more intentional with my committments (i.e. saying “no” more often), making my family my top leadership priority, getting more sleep, keeping up with my assignments, and taking time to listen to God more. Those aren’t formal goals or anything, just some of the things I’ve been reflecting on. I don’t want to come back and go about “business as usual” - I want to come back and put action to my convictions, to discern where God is calling me to be a prophet, to love people with intention, and to model what it means to lead in all areas of life.

So, a week out, that’s where my head is. If you actually read this - I hope you are not too confused, just dumping out some of my thoughts. Now, I’m going to go find some slippers or socks because my feet are freezing.

Metanoia,

Aaron

I’m sitting in the Atlanta airport waiting for my flight to Cincinnati (which will then connect to my flight to South Bend – the temptation is strong to make this entry about the idiots at Travelocity that screwed up my intinery.  Ugh.)  My head and heart are full after two weeks in Pasadena with my MAGL cohort.  In reflecting on this program, I’d say it has been the most incredible education experience I’ve had.  I cannot believe how much I’ve grown to know and love the people in my cohort, and how much they have taught me. 

I was noticing on Monday during class how optimistic everyone in the class was.  We spent time praying for each person in the cohort and talking about how we might implement what we’ve learned.  It was almost as if they optimism was contagious.  For the time being, our dreams had drifted closer to us than our problems.  Conversations weren’t about the frustrations and challenges of our ministry; instead we were talking about values and vision. 

I was reminded in that moment that a common criticism of leaders is that they walk around with their head in the clouds – so full of their dreams and ambitions that they fail to see reality – especially their own flaws.  Does an experience like I’ve had – a gathering of like-minded leaders for training – perpetuate this issue?  Do leaders enjoy meeting together for the feeling of significance they can receive from each other?  OR, is something much more powerful happening in these gatherings?

Maybe it is more important that leaders get away to get their heads above the clouds – to see things more clearly, to see beyond the pollution of day to day programs and activity, and to encourage each other to dream bigger, reach further, and find courage?  I don’t know… these are just rambling thoughts, but maybe these “leadership pep rallies” need to be a part of the rhythm of life that I mused about last week.

I really believe the ability to see things clearly is essential for leaders desiring greatness.  In fact, it may be the definition of a leader.  Somehow, sitting in a Starbucks in the airport, I feel like I am seeing clearer now than I did two weeks ago.  While I know the legitimacy of this idea depends upon what I do with this improved vision, right now I am attributing it to my time spent with other leaders – above the clouds.

Metanoia,

Aaron