One of the more significant happenings since my last post was the death of a former professor and administrator at the school I work. Doctor/Pastor Dave Plaster passed last weekend after an unexpected and brief illness.  Over the last two years of his life, he returned to local church ministry and was mostly away from Grace College.

While I was never one of the many young men (especially future pastors) that he individually mentored (sometimes called the “Plasterites”) I learned under him in at least 4 classes, admired his rare combination of intellect and heart, and considered him a friend.  And I, like so many others, have stories of his impact on my life.  Specifically, he helped me find a way to graduate when I thought it impossible, he encouraged me to marry the woman who is now my wife, and he advised me to stay on at Grace College when I decided to resign as RD.  In reflecting on his life and listening to stories of his impact this past month:

• Very appreciative of all I learned in his theology and church history courses - I’m convinced that I would hate those two areas of study with less of a teacher.
• I always saw him as an energetic and straight shooting person - he was easily one of the busiest people at Grace.  At the memorial service, his executive pastor described him as “busy but interruptible.”  As a fellow busy-man, I long for the same to be said of me.
• He was brilliant - his mind could have earned him accolades in many different fields, but more important than brilliant, he was focused.  He understood and pursued his calling - to lead the church and develop emerging church leaders.
• He loved and served his family well.  His son Rob shared that their family never felt neglected by their father’s many other responsibilities.  He said that proved how big his dad’s heart was - that he could love so many people and still love his family first.
• He valued time with people -mentoring, usually one on one.  I relate with that passion, and yet in recent years, I’ve done it less, and made is less of a priority.

I pray the example of godly men like Dave Plaster will change the way I live, learn, and serve as an educator, father, and leader.

Metanoia,
Aaron

One of the largest obstacles to true Sabbath Keeping is leisure. (Rest of God, 35)

It appears I don’t rest well.  Instead of retreating to a time of sacred Sabbath, I usually spend my non-working time in one of two ways:

1. I maintain my pace (break-neck-busy) doing yardwork, shopping, home repair, and errands - stuff I don’t have time or energy for during “normal” times.  I stay locked into full-achievement gear.
2. I shut down.  This might look like a weekend of Hulu and movies, or an escape into a novel (I can’t put a book down once I start), or a trip to visit friends or family… it might just be an evening of mindless Facebook stalking or blog ingesting.  Vacating at its finest.

Neither is rest.  Neither is refreshing.  Neither gives me focus or perspective.  Neither feeds my soul.  One leaves me more exhausted than I was when I stopped working.  The other leaves me feeling guilty and reacquaints me with my stress when I check back in.

Don’t misunderstand what I am saying.  I NEED days like these - they are a part of a healthy rhythm of life.  There can be something quite satisfying about a day of working on my “honey do” list.  It’s good to get away from home to see loved ones and have some “alone time” from the mundane and familiar.  It can be life giving to lose yourself in a filmmakers storytelling or the pages of good book.  These things are not sin.

But they are also not Sabbath.  Not entirely.  And that’s where my thinking needs to shift.

What is sabbath?  Not entirely sure I’ve grasped that yet.  I’m only 40 pages into Buchanan’s book

Lent Update

We’re over a week into Lent and I’m feeling pretty good about the experience.  Here were my commitments:

• intentionally reflect on the pace of my life as it relates to work, rest, and busyness (I’ve done a TON of this - mostly to my great disappointment in myself.  Some of this processing I’ve done through this blog, and I’m actually fairly proud of my progress there - 4 posts in just over a week nearly matches my total for all of last year!)
• read Buchanan’s “The Rest of God” and other readings about Sabbath (2 chapters into Buchanan - FULLY enjoying.  Looking to reread a couple of chapters in Willard’s “The Great Omission” sometime soon.  There was a chapter about Sabbath there that was so convicting to me two years ago I haven’t been able to touch it - or finish it - since.  Am I really ready to take this topic seriously???  Do I have a choice?)
• take at least 4 days off before Easter (Took yesterday off - a Thursday.  It was a mixed blessing - not necessarily a Sabbath - I don’t think… but good to get away from the office and be with family most of the day, and a friend for breakfast. I’ve asked off two more days, still need to find a date for the fourth.)
• get more sleep (at least 6.5 hours, generally in bed by 11 and up by 6).  (I’m not doing stellar here.  Averaging 6 hours, but very inconsistent sleep/wake times.)
• no caffeine after lunch and no food after supper. (boo-yah, grandma!  I’ve done well in this “micro-fast” and finding it a great reminder of the “sacredness” of Lent.  Every time I grab a water instead of a Diet Coke or say “no” to a late night snack, I’m reminded of these commitments.

I am tired.

Not falling asleep in class tired (trust me, I’ve experienced that numerous times), or out of breath tired. it’s not exactly sick-and-tired.  I’m not necessarily upset about this, in fact, if I’m being honest, I actually enjoy it sometimes.  It’s the tired you get when you continuously engage in a tiresome schedule and run at a tiring pace.  It’s a work + family + friends + church + house tired.

It’s a too busy for rest tired.

And it’s becoming a problem.

I’m not experiencing a “tired crisis” of any specific kind.  I’m relatively healthy, my family is relatively supportive and happy, my relationships are okay - maybe not great, but okay, and my walk with God seems fairly close.  But something tells me that this “tired” isn’t okay.

Living tired isn’t living.

Obviously, I’m having a bit of a hard time defining this.  But there are a few things I’m sure of: it isn’t healthy, it isn’t life as God intended, and I have a responsibility to do something about it.

Now, if you are reading this (welcome inside my head, by the way. I’m probably writing this more for the benefit of organizing my thoughts than to influence yours, but figured others might be able to speak toward or benefit from my musings if I threw them out here…) please don’t simplify this issue.  I don’t want to hear trite encouragements to “pray more,” or “take more time off,” or - my favorite - “prioritize.”  All those are truth, but I’m too tired to see clearly how to apply that advice.

This tiredness… this life-pace problem… this work/rest relationship is complicated.  I’ve been down this road a thousand times only to realize again and again that I’ve gone in a circle.  I’ve tried spiritual practices, being more health conscious, seeking wise counsel, and building better boundaries.  Both problem and solutions are multi-layered and potentially chronic.

So, I’ve decided on a first step.  I’m going to… here it comes… think about this more.

Perhaps that seems like a weak first step, but I’m pretty tired, and when I’m tired, intentional reflection is the first casualty.  So, I’m going to spend some time and energy (both in short supply) considering how I can overcome tiredness, find my rhythm, restore my soul, and start really living.

I’m grateful for some religious leaders at some unknown point in history instituted a time of spiritual preparation in the 40 days leading up to Easter called “Lent.”  I’ve adopted this practice at various times in the past to focus my life in one direction or another.  So this year I’m going to do some thinking.

For the sake of accountability and my own processing… here’s what this “thinking” will look like:

• use this blog to share some thoughts about topics like work, rest, sabbath, and pace
• read Mark Buchanan’s “The Rest of God”
• review 3 or 4 other books and articles I’ve collected on this topic in the last couple of years.
• be intentional to get enough sleep each night (goal: in bed by 11, at least 6.5 hours a night).
• take a “tithe” of these 40 days off - 4 days may not seem like a lot, but this is spring at Grace College.
• I’m not sure how this fits, but traditionally Lent has included abstaining from something for this brief time.  I’ve decided to cut out all food after supper and all coffee after lunch.

CLICK photo for more pictures from the day and Josephine Grace Crabtree!

Earlier this month, the national weather service dubbed a tropical depression with a ton of potential “Josephine” - fortunately for many in the Caribbean and Southern US, Tropical Storm Josephine puttered out right before she made it to the Bahamas.

Earlier today, my wife exhibited incredible courage by walking into the operating room and undergoing a Cesarean Section delivery of our third child.  We immediately dubbed this blessing Josephine Grace.  Unlike the storm mentioned above, this Josephine started slow (some minor breathing problems and excessive fluid in her lungs) but picked up steam (and volume) after a short time and seems in every way to be a healthy little baby girl.

Okay, so that was a pretty wordy way of announcing our daughter’s birth and name.  Here are some random thoughts about the day…

• I am in awe of my wife - actually all women - every time I witness such selflessness and love.  I’m not sure anything in my life will ever compare to the tangible way a mother loves a child. (Drop whatever you are doing right now and call your mom.)
• The emails and facebook messages and phone calls and visits from friends and families nearly overwhelms me.  With such supportive people in my life, why do I too often drift into feeling lonely?
• This might seem random (”um, this whole post seems random, Aaron.”)  But I was reminded today that time is a very limited resource.  I can’t believe Wrigley is going on 5 years old - she’ll be moving out and getting married before I know it. Love, on the other hand, is seemingly available in unlimited quantities.  How is it that with each additional child to love we don’t sacrifice the amount of love we have for the other children?
• Here’s the stats..  Born on September 26, 2008 at precisely 9:07am.  Weighing in at 6 lbs 15 oz.  18.75 inches from bald head to wrinkled toes.
• We choose her name for a variety of reasons… Both Josephine and Grace are names that appear in our family trees… We originally were thinking of Joseph as a boy’s name during our first child, so the feminine version just made sense when we were considering names this time around.  We really admire the 4 Josephs that are depicted in the Bible (specifically: Jacob’s son, Jesus’ earthly daddy, the man who donated Jesus’ tomb, and the “son of Encouragement”).  Grace is significant for many reasons… unmerited favor, Alma mater, current ministry, all that stuff…

Alright I’m exhausted - mentally, emotionally, you name it… off to (a very uncomfortable but appreciated none the less) bed!

Metanoia,
Aaron