Dallas Willard has become one of my favorite writers in the last few years.  While I still haven’t made it through “The Divine Consipiracy” (bet I’ve started that book eight times); “Renovation of the Heart” and “The Great Omission” have formed much of my thinking about discipleship.

ONE chapter in TGO has haunted me for three years.  Notes in the margins of my copy show that I’ve read it four times including a reading on Easter Sunday 2007 following a Lent season in which I fasted one day a week and prayed specifically for direction regarding a new job.  The chapter, “The Key to the Keys of the Kingdom” (available online on Dallas’ website).  I’ll include a few quotes here, but if you can relate at all with the busyness and life-pace issues I’ve been writing about, you really should read his entire article.

The Problem Willard identifies is a trend he sees in which those in “full time Christian service” are too pressured, too stressed by a great “need to achieve.”  It is their personal and spiritual life that falters in this quest.  Invariably, Willard concludes, “he comes to feel strongly that the circumstances in which he works are in conflict with the very goals for which he entered his profession in the first place.  Heightened frustration and disappointment go hand in hand with decreasing strength, peace, and joy.” (The Great Omission, 33)

The Key that Willard is referring to is (you guessed it) “Sabbath.”  In line with Mark Buchanan’s thoughts I wrote about a few days ago,  Dallas presents Sabbath as an antidote to my overestimation of my importance, an unhealthy dependence on me and my efforts instead of seeing and depending on God.

Sabbath is a way of life. (Heb. 4:3 & 9-11) It sets us free from bondage to our own efforts. Only in this way can we come to the power and joy of a radiant life in ministry, a blessing to all we touch. And yet Sabbath is almost totally absent from the existence of contemporary Christians and their ministers.

What is Sabbath? Biblically, it is a day, once a week, when we do no work. “Six days you shall labor and do all your work, but the seventh day is a sabbath of the Lord your God; in it you shall not do any work.” (Ex 20:9-10) It was also a year, once every seven years, when God’s covenant people not sow seed, prune vines or store up harvest. (Lev. 25:4-7) And to the question, “How are we going to eat in the seventh year?” God replied: “I will so order My blessing for you in the sixth year that it will bring forth the crop for three years.” (vs. 21) (p. 34-35)

Willard recommends three spiritual practices for making Sabbath real in the midst of our life.  They are solitude, silence, and fasting.  I plan to write about the nuts and bolts of practicing the sabbath before these 40 days are over, so I won’t get into what those look like right here; but the payoff he describes is nothing short of inspiring:

• “Accept the grace of doing nothing.” (36)
• “Solitude well practiced will break the power of busyness, haste, isolation, and loneliness.” (36)
• “Silence allows the reality of God to stand in the midst of your life.” (36)
• “We are not safe and rich in talk and companionship unless our solus are strong in solitude and silence.” (37)
• “Oddly, through intentional times of practicing spiritual disciplines, my walk with Jesus has become more spontaneous.” (37)
• “I came back from the fast with a clearer sense of purpose and a renewed sense of power in my ministry” (38)
• We do not have to live under the thumb of our circumstances… putting time-tested, biblical disciplines for the spiritual life into sensible practice will soon lead us into an abundance of the life that is eternal in quality and power.” (39)

On a personal note, I’m feeling a bit conflicted about my Lent emphasis on “rest.” On the one hand, it has been a good season of spiritual challenge and renewed focus.  On the other hand it has left me more frustrated and dissatisfied with life and work.  You know how you can grow up enjoying a particular food (like steak or lasagna) and then one day you have a remarkably better version of that same food and you no longer enjoy the original as much?  Well, it’s kinda like that.  Studying sabbath has left me longing for a better steak, dissatisfied with my current lasagna.

Lord, show me where I should start…

Metanoia,
Aaron

By my count, this is Day 26 of Lent.  As you may already know, I have made the seemingly safe commitment to “think about rest” during these days.  Specifically, I determined that this process of thinking would look like this (with some progress updates):

• I’d use this blog to share some thoughts about topics like work, rest, sabbath, and pace (So far, I’m averaging a post every 5 days or so, approximately 30,000 times more frequently than I usually do).
• read Mark Buchanan’s “The Rest of God” (I’m trying to read this devotionally, only about a third of the way through, but finding it RICH and RELEVANT to my questions.  I’ll share a few new reflections below).
• review 3 or 4 other books and articles I’ve collected on this topic in the last couple of years. (Reread a chapter from Dallas Willard’s “The Great Ommission” that has haunted me for the past three years, I’m working on a post with some of Willard’s thoughts to post later this week.)
• be intentional to get enough sleep each night (goal: in bed by 11, at least 6.5 hours a night). (This has not been consistent - sleep is turning out to be a major symptom of my distress. Often my worry keeps me up at night or my apathy keeps me in bed in the morning.  I’m regularly getting less than 5 hours a night… this goal needs greater attention in the next two weeks.)
• take a “tithe” of these 40 days off - 4 days may not seem like a lot, but this is spring at Grace College. (I’ve taken one actual day off, I’m scheduled to take one full and two half days off this week… need to carve out at least one more.)
• I’m not sure how this fits, but traditionally Lent has included abstaining from something for this brief time.  I’ve decided to cut out all food after supper and all coffee after lunch. (This has been great.  I have identified food and caffeine my favorite vices.  Cutting these out has made me feel healthier, sleep better, and - beyond all of that - has served as a reminder of my commitment.)

In the fourth chapter of Buchanan’s book, he continues to refine our thinking about Sabbath by contrasting sleep and rest.  Sleep is essential, he acknowledges; in fact, when you try to deny yourself sleep, it will eventually catch up with you until you succumb to it.  Not so with Sabbath.  Sabbath is much more obliging when rebuffed - in the author’s words, “Resisted, it backs off. Spurned, it flees.  It’s easy to skirt or defy Sabbath.” (Rest of God, p 61)  When we neglect Sabbath it doesn’t come chasing us like sleep.  Sabbath steps aside like a gentleman and waits for us.

Thus we can live for years at a breakneck pace that appears productive but is deeply exhausting.  We feel unfulfilled and we attempt to fill the void with more recreation, longer hours, a new strategy, or self-justifying complaints.  What we need is to stop.  We need stillness.

Perhaps worse than the exhaustion, restlessness, and aggravation… worse than the lack of rest, is the untruth busyness allows us to believe.

“The worst hallucination busyness conjures is the conviction that I am God.  All depends on me. How will the right things hapen at the right time if I’m not pushing and pulling and watching and worrying?” (p. 61)

After some gut-level introspection I realized how true that is.  Way too often I overestimate my importance way too much.  I forget who is in control, I put unnecessary pressure on my efforts.  I get a type of “high” from believing everyone is depending on me for everything.  And, to be honest, I believe this because I lack confidence and trust in God.

And this is where I need some serious change in my thinking.

Essentially he presents the idea that if God isn’t big enough to handle everything, then we all need to work a whole lot harder.  ”Either God is good and in control, or it all depends on you.” (p. 63).  Surprise surprise, my busyness is a theological problem.  I am living in a way that is inconsistent with my beliefs about God.  I’m a hypocrite.

Now for some thoughts to begin to correct this thinking:

• The Jewish Sabbath begins in the evening - essentially, it begins with going to bed, with sleep.  Buchanan presents sleep as an act of faith, a sign of vulnerability, a statement of resignation.  Merely going to bed with work undone, with problems unsolved, with concerns unanswered is a spiritual discipline - trust that God is in control.
• David, the psalmist, gives a lot of lyrics to the idea of trusting God - Psalm 62 is a great example.  ”My soul finds rest in God alone… he alone is my rock and salvation (v. 1).  David’s life wasn’t easy or restful, his words were likely reminders to keep trust in perspective.
• Paul, the apostle and frequent prisoner, gives a practical example of keeping sabbath in the midst of crisis in Acts 16.  This is where Paul and Silas are imprisoned - and miraculously freed - while spending the night worshiping and preaching (practicing Sabbath) when they could have been complaining or worrying.  The interesting thing here is how God uses this experience to work things out in ways they never could have dreamed had they taken matters into their own hands.
• The key for putting God in his rightful place - as God - is having a spirit and posture of thankfulness.  “You cannot practice thankfulness on a biblical scale without its altering the way you see… Inherent in a life of thanksgiving is an ongoing discovery of God’s sufficiency, his generosity, his fatherly affection and warrior protection.” (p. 67-68)

Lord, bring my beliefs and action into alignment… gift me with a thankful heart and trust-filled sleep…

Metanoia,
Aaron

I find it comforting that this book I’m reading (Mark Buchanan’s “Rest of God” if you’ve not been following my recent posts) starts his argument for Sabbath Rest with a chapter on Work.  Because that’s what’s really the issue here - a bloated work life, a lack of understanding of vocation, and - quite possibly - an addiction to my career.  Many other articles and teachings I’ve heard on the topic of sabbath focus on the details of how to properly rest and what to do when you are on a Sabbath.  They tell you to STOP doing anything and focus attention on God and life and prayer.  That’s all well and good - and needed; but I feel they fail to acknowledge just how difficult that is when there is ALWAYS more work to do.  It takes two weeks of intentional preparation to take two days mostly off.  I’m not sure I can tell you how many days of vacation it takes me to finally start resting and to stop thinking of work, because I’m not sure I’ve ever experienced that.

I’m not sure what drives me to work (I’ve always struggled with pinpointing my motivations for just about anything).  Most likely, I’m driven by a gruesome combination of pride, guilt, people-pleasing, perfectionism, insecurity, and something that equates to “identity confusion.”  Even as I type those things I can think of times TODAY that I’ve felt them.  Messed up.

So, with Buchanan’s help, I’m working on my understanding of work.

Here’s what I’m learning:

• Like most things, work isn’t sinful but it is marred by the fall.  God created work - we’re designed to work, but the fall has made it miserable.  Work is in need of redemption along with the rest of creation.  So, I’m looking for the bright spots and striving to appreciate work more.
• With this mindset, I’m reminded that I actually LOVE what I GET to do in my work.  This morning I was in the classroom and out of my mouth came some words that actually made sense and students were nodding and I remembered that God created me to work.
• But it goes even further than appreciating the gift of work.  It’s not just the right skills aligned with the right task, nor is it the right personality lined up with the right career.  Work - in it’s proper light - is a spiritual experience; it is giving homage to God.

According to Buchanan, “The opposite of a slave is not a free man, it is a worshipper.  The one who is most free is the one who turns the work of his hands into sacrament, into offering… It is all the Lords’ work.  Virtually any job, no matter how grueling or tedious - any job that is not criminal or sinful - can be a gift from God, through God, and to God.  The work of our hands, by the alchemy of our devotion, becomes the worship of our hearts.  And more.  Work done in such a spirit has the power to reveal Christ himself.” (”The Rest of God” p24-25)

Finally, I absolutely loved what he did in this chapter with Luke 5.  I won’t try to reexplain it all here, but essentially he explains how Jesus’ summons of Peter to make him a fisher of men was not a statement about how much better “full time Christian service” is than “normal” work like fishing.  Rather, the narrative is about calling.  Jesus calls Peter to change professions just after Peter experiences the greatest success of his fishing career - so many fish he has to call for backup.  Here my mind goes insane with thoughts.

Thoughts which I’ll leave in my mind until next time I post…

Lord, help me to appreciate work.  Further, remind me often of the opportunity to worship you through work…

Metanoia,
Aaron

I am tired.

Not falling asleep in class tired (trust me, I’ve experienced that numerous times), or out of breath tired. it’s not exactly sick-and-tired.  I’m not necessarily upset about this, in fact, if I’m being honest, I actually enjoy it sometimes.  It’s the tired you get when you continuously engage in a tiresome schedule and run at a tiring pace.  It’s a work + family + friends + church + house tired.

It’s a too busy for rest tired.

And it’s becoming a problem.

I’m not experiencing a “tired crisis” of any specific kind.  I’m relatively healthy, my family is relatively supportive and happy, my relationships are okay - maybe not great, but okay, and my walk with God seems fairly close.  But something tells me that this “tired” isn’t okay.

Living tired isn’t living.

Obviously, I’m having a bit of a hard time defining this.  But there are a few things I’m sure of: it isn’t healthy, it isn’t life as God intended, and I have a responsibility to do something about it.

Now, if you are reading this (welcome inside my head, by the way. I’m probably writing this more for the benefit of organizing my thoughts than to influence yours, but figured others might be able to speak toward or benefit from my musings if I threw them out here…) please don’t simplify this issue.  I don’t want to hear trite encouragements to “pray more,” or “take more time off,” or - my favorite - “prioritize.”  All those are truth, but I’m too tired to see clearly how to apply that advice.

This tiredness… this life-pace problem… this work/rest relationship is complicated.  I’ve been down this road a thousand times only to realize again and again that I’ve gone in a circle.  I’ve tried spiritual practices, being more health conscious, seeking wise counsel, and building better boundaries.  Both problem and solutions are multi-layered and potentially chronic.

So, I’ve decided on a first step.  I’m going to… here it comes… think about this more.

Perhaps that seems like a weak first step, but I’m pretty tired, and when I’m tired, intentional reflection is the first casualty.  So, I’m going to spend some time and energy (both in short supply) considering how I can overcome tiredness, find my rhythm, restore my soul, and start really living.

I’m grateful for some religious leaders at some unknown point in history instituted a time of spiritual preparation in the 40 days leading up to Easter called “Lent.”  I’ve adopted this practice at various times in the past to focus my life in one direction or another.  So this year I’m going to do some thinking.

For the sake of accountability and my own processing… here’s what this “thinking” will look like:

• use this blog to share some thoughts about topics like work, rest, sabbath, and pace
• read Mark Buchanan’s “The Rest of God”
• review 3 or 4 other books and articles I’ve collected on this topic in the last couple of years.
• be intentional to get enough sleep each night (goal: in bed by 11, at least 6.5 hours a night).
• take a “tithe” of these 40 days off - 4 days may not seem like a lot, but this is spring at Grace College.
• I’m not sure how this fits, but traditionally Lent has included abstaining from something for this brief time.  I’ve decided to cut out all food after supper and all coffee after lunch.

The following is a transcipt of a conversation with my five year old before bed tonight:

Me: Who is Jesus?

Daughter: the true spirit.

Me: (bewildered) are you sure?

Daughter: He’s really hard for me to describe.

Me: that’s true.  What else do you know about him?

Daughter: He is a man… He has a beard… He always obeys.

Me: Do you always obey?

Daughter: (tentatively) No

Me: Do I always obey?

Daughter: (enthusiastically) No

Me: Does Mommy obey?

Daughter: She disobeyed when she was little.

Me: Goodnight.

What I take from this interaction is that she might understand the basics about Jesus and sin as clearly as I do… maybe clearer.  But, can she explain “substitutionary atonement” or,”hypostatic union?”

Metanoia,
Aaron

So, some of you have noticed that I haven’t posted since June 12.  Your thoughts have ranged from “what a lazy…” to “poor Aaron, must be working too hard to update…”  Truth is, the blog was dead.  Yeah, to the outside observer it looked like I was just slow to update, but it was worse than that below the surface.  When I’d look to update or write a new post, I’d get warnings about a broken database and they’d throw half a dozen acronyms at me telling me to fix my NDPB, TQVs, and my PCBF or something.

All that to say, these troubles should soon be in my rear view mirror as Andy Clark is once again being my hero and setting the world right.  I’m back up and should have everything restored in short order.

Then you can razz me about how infrequently I post.

Aaron

Okay I thought I’d throw my hat in the blogworld - call the papers and tell all your friends.

Special thanks goes to Mr. Andrew B. Clark for helping me get this thing off the ground and into cyberspace. That’s actually an understatement - Andy pretty much taught me everything I know about getting this going or did it for me.

I don’t actually know what I’m going to write here, but my goal is to write something regularly - like at least twice a week. If that’s too lofty, I’ll probably return to this post and edit my goal - that’s the beauty of this thing - I can say whatever I want AND I can edit whatever I say so you can’t hold me to anything.

Hopefully, most of my posts won’t be as pointless as this one. Lots of words, little content.

- Aaron