The following is a transcipt of a conversation with my five year old before bed tonight:

Me: Who is Jesus?

Daughter: the true spirit.

Me: (bewildered) are you sure?

Daughter: He’s really hard for me to describe.

Me: that’s true.  What else do you know about him?

Daughter: He is a man… He has a beard… He always obeys.

Me: Do you always obey?

Daughter: (tentatively) No

Me: Do I always obey?

Daughter: (enthusiastically) No

Me: Does Mommy obey?

Daughter: She disobeyed when she was little.

Me: Goodnight.

What I take from this interaction is that she might understand the basics about Jesus and sin as clearly as I do… maybe clearer.  But, can she explain “substitutionary atonement” or,”hypostatic union?”

Metanoia,
Aaron

Last week, my friend and co-worker, Dan Huber, and I were asked to co-teach a couple of hours in the “Gender and Sexuality” course on the topic of “the Essence of Masculinity.”  I initially thought it must be some sort of joke, but no, the invitation was legit.  

So, with only a week to prepare, we set out on the task of understanding and facilitating a conversation on this topic - a process which consumed 5 or 6 movies, gallons of coffee, and at least one all-nighter.  Two things were instantly evident: 1) There is a lot of content pertaining to men, male issues, and the roles men play in the family, church, workplace, and society, but not much on our specific topic. 2) This is a very personal issue.  When you start defining and identifying “masculinity” major defenses rise up inside a man.  Every definition I came across (and there are not many out there brave/stupid enough to try to define it) was, internally, a measurement of my own worth and competence.  So, I had to try to get over myself quite a bit, but in the end I had a ton of fun with the topic and really enjoyed teaching with someone as talented as Dan.

Basically we decided to lead the class in identifying positive characteristics they have observed in the men that have fathered them throughout life (dads, brothers, relatives, teachers, mentors) and then use that context to build a working definition of masculinity.  We then shared with the class our working definition:

One who takes responsibility for himself and others by engaging, cultivating, protecting and providing.

 As I mentioned above, this is not a term on which many are willing to pin a definition, but we’re new at this and don’t know any better.  We spent some time fleshing it out and answering questions about how well this captures the “essence of masculinity.”  Finally we identified four general ways in which men respond to their masculinity.  This gave us a way of categorizing common issues men deal with.  

Over compensation (The Man’s Man)  flimsy expressions of masculinity – safe places of comfort and competence where men retreat to appear masculine… 

Disconnection (The Mama’s Boy)  When the label of “masculine” doesn’t feel right, is rejected, or is simply met with passivity…  

Control (The Escape Artist)  the places men go to feel powerful and in control – over people or situations or themselves…

Embracing Masculinity – owning and accepting our masculinity as a central part of our identity and calling in life…

With each of these responses, we illustrated the response with a list of ways this response could demonstrate itself in behavior.  We also shared ways we’ve seen these played out (anonymously) on our college campus.  We also shared examples from the bible of men responding in these ways.

If anyone is reading this - I know I have only posted twice in 5 months - I’d LOVE to hear your thoughts on our (working) definition and these four responses.  Defining anything can be dangerous, but the process of defining is a great teaching mechanism.  Clearly, in this case, I am learning much more than I could have possibly taught.  

Metanoia,
Aaron

So, some students “got me.”  It is definitely nearing the end of the year.  Gotta say, these guys did it well.  I will not need for post-its for some time.  Seems to brighten up the room.  More photos here.

Aaron

Highlights of our celebration of Christmas in my hometown…

Happy Christmas!
Aaron

I’m actually in Austin,TX for a conference that is the near-opposite of a sweet concert… an assessment conference.  Yeah, bring on the caffeine.

For the flight, I grabbed Seth Godin’s newest, “Tribes.”  If nothing else, it has inspired me to give more attention to this blog… and to use it as a means to reflect and process meaningful ideas.

I’m about a third of the way through the book so this isn’t a full review, just a midpoint contemplation.  Godin is basically calling (pleading, begging, urging) people (leaders) to take advantage of the opportunities that exist to influence groups of people (tribes) by connecting them to stories and hope.  He argues that technology and marketing has made it easier to connect people and mobilize them behind ideas that matter.

So, the opportunities for influence are abundant, the culture is receptive to change, and the technology for mobilizing people are at hand… the only thing missing is leaders - people who will leverage the moment. Godin proposes that leadership is lacking because the men and women inspired with these big ideas are scared.  They are fearful, not of failure, necessarily, but of criticism.  People lack “the will to make the ideas happen.” (p. 42)

“Leadership is scarce because few people are willing to go through the discomfort required to lead…  It’s uncomfortable to stand up in front of strangers.  It’s uncomfortable to propose an idea that might fail. It’s uncomfortable to challenge the status quo. It’s uncomfortable to resist the urge to settle.  When you identify the discomfort, you’ve found the place where a leader is needed.” (p. 55)

This has gotten me thinking about what holds leaders back.  As I mentally go through the list of my teammates and friends, I can identify some of the fears and discomforts holding them back, but I’m not sure I’ve reflected enough on the subject to articulate the limitations to my own potential.  So what holds me back?  Where do my discomforts dwell?

Here is a START to such a list:

• I usually focus more on impressing people than I do about meeting a goal or accomplishing a mission.  This leads to wasteful perfectionism.
• I am more concerned with presentation than content.  This leads to shallowness.
• I am more interested in spending time with people who are similar to me than reaching out to and learning from those who are different.  This leads to exclusivity.
• I am more interested in appearing godly than I am in training myself to be godly.  This leads to hypocricy.
• I am more motivated by doing something creative than I am by doing something meaningful.  This leads to carelessness.
• I am more confident in my abilities than God’s provision.  This leads to doubt.
• I am more comfortable making people laugh than making people think.  This leads to flippancy.

What’s holding you back?  Where are your discomforts?  Leader?

Metanoia,
Aaron

CLICK photo for more pictures from the day and Josephine Grace Crabtree!

Earlier this month, the national weather service dubbed a tropical depression with a ton of potential “Josephine” - fortunately for many in the Caribbean and Southern US, Tropical Storm Josephine puttered out right before she made it to the Bahamas.

Earlier today, my wife exhibited incredible courage by walking into the operating room and undergoing a Cesarean Section delivery of our third child.  We immediately dubbed this blessing Josephine Grace.  Unlike the storm mentioned above, this Josephine started slow (some minor breathing problems and excessive fluid in her lungs) but picked up steam (and volume) after a short time and seems in every way to be a healthy little baby girl.

Okay, so that was a pretty wordy way of announcing our daughter’s birth and name.  Here are some random thoughts about the day…

• I am in awe of my wife - actually all women - every time I witness such selflessness and love.  I’m not sure anything in my life will ever compare to the tangible way a mother loves a child. (Drop whatever you are doing right now and call your mom.)
• The emails and facebook messages and phone calls and visits from friends and families nearly overwhelms me.  With such supportive people in my life, why do I too often drift into feeling lonely?
• This might seem random (”um, this whole post seems random, Aaron.”)  But I was reminded today that time is a very limited resource.  I can’t believe Wrigley is going on 5 years old - she’ll be moving out and getting married before I know it. Love, on the other hand, is seemingly available in unlimited quantities.  How is it that with each additional child to love we don’t sacrifice the amount of love we have for the other children?
• Here’s the stats..  Born on September 26, 2008 at precisely 9:07am.  Weighing in at 6 lbs 15 oz.  18.75 inches from bald head to wrinkled toes.
• We choose her name for a variety of reasons… Both Josephine and Grace are names that appear in our family trees… We originally were thinking of Joseph as a boy’s name during our first child, so the feminine version just made sense when we were considering names this time around.  We really admire the 4 Josephs that are depicted in the Bible (specifically: Jacob’s son, Jesus’ earthly daddy, the man who donated Jesus’ tomb, and the “son of Encouragement”).  Grace is significant for many reasons… unmerited favor, Alma mater, current ministry, all that stuff…

Alright I’m exhausted - mentally, emotionally, you name it… off to (a very uncomfortable but appreciated none the less) bed!

Metanoia,
Aaron

So, in (let’s see…) 4 hours Sarah is scheduled to deliver child #3 via c-section.

I’m up early as #2 has a pesky cough that he can’t shake.  I offered him a cup of water which he seemed relieved to receive, but then sleepily poured down his neck.  We both laughed - an unexpected moment of joy at 4:40 in the middle of the night.  Now I can’t sleep.

This is literally a moment pregnant with anticipation… expectation… hope…

To be completely honest with myself - and I guess you the reader - the excitement is peppered with other moments, brief moments of uncertainty, anxiety, and fear.  I bounce between dreaming of wonderful future experiences with another daughter and rehearsals of “worst case scenarios.”  So, then I get all tied up in my thoughts - wanting to be positive yet realistic, wanting to cherish the moment but not ignore the risks.

So who can sleep?  Sarah’s not, I hear her tossing and turning, sniffing and sighing in the next room.  Do we even need to verbalize the confusion of these moments?

So, I pray.  I thank God for the opportunity to reflect on this moment.  Really, all of life should be viewed from this level.  I wish I were always aware of the imminent potential for joy or pain in a given moment.  To know that the stakes are high all the time. Life or death…  good or evil… success or failure… laughter or tears…

“Blessed be Your name when the sun’s shining down on me, when the world’s ‘all as it should be’ blessed be Your name. And blessed be Your name on the road marked with suffering, though there’s pain in the offering, blessed be Your name.  Every blessing You pour out I’ll turn back to praise.  When the darkness closes in, Lord, still I will say, “Blessed be the name of the Lord!”

Metanoia,
Aaron

CLICK for photos of our Donut Date!

So today I was the guest of my firstborn daughter at her preschool’s “Dads and Doughnuts Day.”  As you might have guessed they are learning the letter D.  It was fun to spend time with her 1 on 1 - meeting her friends whom she would tell me she “loves” but then walk up to them and ask them their name.  It would make for an interesting study of men.  The 7 or 8 of us who accompanied our children mostly sat as far away as possible from each other sinking into our chairs with our attention fully on the one person we knew in the room.  We weren’t completely rude to each other, there were plenty of customary head nods and half smiles.  No eye contact, are you kidding?

In short, it is probably the exact opposite of what you’d have seen if it was a group of mothers with children in the same stage of life sharing a few plates of delicious doughnuts.  They’d have left the room 90 minutes later with everyone’s name memorized and a weeks worth of play dates and “coffees” planned.

Why are guys (and especially me) so hesitant to initiate new connections and introduce ourselves?  What makes me too proud or passive to stick my hand out, introduce myself, and ask questions to get to know someone?  When I look back on experiences like this today I feel like a coward.  Why does my fear show up in situations like this?  Why don’t I initiate relationship that doesn’t somehow benefit me?

In the beginning “God created man and women” - sometimes the distinction between those two is very clear - like at preschool open houses.

Okay, I’m not sure where all that introspection came from -  the time with my daughter was priceless and the doughnuts were Dang Delicious.

Metanoia,
Aaron

So, some of you have noticed that I haven’t posted since June 12.  Your thoughts have ranged from “what a lazy…” to “poor Aaron, must be working too hard to update…”  Truth is, the blog was dead.  Yeah, to the outside observer it looked like I was just slow to update, but it was worse than that below the surface.  When I’d look to update or write a new post, I’d get warnings about a broken database and they’d throw half a dozen acronyms at me telling me to fix my NDPB, TQVs, and my PCBF or something.

All that to say, these troubles should soon be in my rear view mirror as Andy Clark is once again being my hero and setting the world right.  I’m back up and should have everything restored in short order.

Then you can razz me about how infrequently I post.

Aaron

So today marks the first day of my tenth year as Sarah Jane’s husband. It’s amazing really when you consider that the selfish, immature, unwise 22-year old version of me actually choose such an amazing person to be his life-long spouse. I wonder what good choices the hopelessly selfish, only slightly more mature, still unwise, 32 year-old me is making today? If for no other reason than because this amazing woman deserves everything, I hope I’m doing at least a few things right.

So on the occassion of our ninth anniversary (which by the way is symbolized by pottery or leather - hmmm…no comment) I present this humble list in appreciation of my wonderful wife and best friend…

Nine reasons to love this girl…

1. Sarah loves people - she believes in the potential of anyone (probably what makes her such a great teacher, friend, and mentor).
2. Sarah helps me get out of bed in the morning - ask my parents, this is not an easy task.
3. Sarah is an amazing mother - from the moment we first saw the (first) plus-sign on the pee stick, she has been making tremendous sacrifices for the sake of our children.
4. Sarah is my partner - it hardly manners what we are doing, it is so much better when we are doing it together.
5. Sarah enjoys learning - she will share with me what she is getting out of a book or seminar and get so much more out of it than I would have if I’d read it myself.
6. Sarah is a great daughter - respectful, caring, concerned, involved… she really loves her family well… in-laws too!
7. Sarah believes in God - her love for him and desire to walk in truth inspires others (especially me) to pray, love, live…
8. Sarah takes care of our home - even the parts of “home managment” that she dislikes (cooking, maybe?) she does well.
9. Sarah is funny - as much as I love to tease her by not laughing at her witty comments, she has an incredible sense of humor, even in the middle of hard times.

Unfortunately, I didn’t even get to how beautiful she is…

Happy Anniversary Sarah Jane. I love being your husband. I loveYOU.

Metanoia,
Aaron